“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralysed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds' wings.”
― Rumi, Essential Rumi
I have been feeling a bit stuck. There are days (like the last couple) that I have had to choose between sleep and writing. My day goes so much better when I am able to have my morning routine of quiet, meditation, chai and contemplation. But, my body/mind overtakes this need for awake/quiet time and says "you need sleep". So, instead of getting up at 4:00 or 5:00 AM the last couple of days, I have slept in until 6:00 AM. This allows me only the minimum amount of time to pray and get myself dressed and ready for my work day.
The weekdays can make me feel stuck. I am able to do my job, care for my children, maybe care a bit for my home, do a little bit of caring for myself and the end.
Wednesday I did something out of the norm and went to an improv show with my college roommate. First off, there is nothing like going out with your college roommate (if you liked her or him) because they know so much about you, you have history and that bonds you forever. Secondly, doing something different like that in my week made me enjoy my week and made me feel unstuck. I laughed like I haven't laughed in a while. It was so therapeutic! Also, going to this theatre reminded me of my first love...theater. Why have I stopped doing it? I was a theatre major. As a child, when anyone ever asked me what I was going to be when I grew up I would respond, "an actress". Bringing something like that back into my life might be just what I need.
Iron Pour (CMG original)- Step into the fire- into the unknown!
What do you need? Has there been something in your life that you used to love that you don't do anymore? How can you start doing that? How can you surround yourself with people who would support this endeavor?
The oracle card I picked today was Freyja, who said, "Unleash your adventurous side! Take risks and be daring!"
And so it shall be. We go into the unknown together and I support you!
“A heart
is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others”
― L.
Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
“You
have plenty of courage, I am sure," answered Oz. "All you need is
confidence in yourself. There is no living thing that is not afraid when it
faces danger. The true courage is in facing danger when you are afraid, and
that kind of courage you have in plenty.”
― L.
Frank Baum, The Wonderful Wizard of Oz (Books of Wonder)
Maybe, like many of you, I enjoy listening to music as I
drive my car from place to place.
I have a wide variety of songs stored in my phone, everything from
Rihanna to Frank Sinatra. I like
to sing while I drive and it amazes me at how many lyrics I know by memory.
Some of the ones that I know by heart are old songs from my
childhood and at times these stir the deepest emotions. Songs can bring up memories of people,
places and things that were connected to that time. Songs can make me laugh. Songs can make me cry.
In fact, I have created a list of songs that are entitled, “My Crying
Songs” (I’ll share that list with you another time). There are some songs that I dislike because of the situation
it reminds me of.
Yesterday, as I was stuck in traffic, the song “Tin Man” by
America came one and a line from the song made me take pause.
“Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man that he didn’t
already have.”
That is the story, isn’t it? The story of all the main characters of the Wizard of Oz;
Dorothy, the Lion, the Scarecrow and the Tin Man. They all wanted something, something that they felt they
were lacking inside themselves.
The Lion wanted courage yet he proved over and over that he was the most
courageous one of them all. The
Scarecrow wanted the Wizard to give him a brain while during their adventures
he repeatedly solves the group’s problems. The Tin Man wants a heart but is the kindest and most
feeling character in the story.
Dorothy wants to go “somewhere over the rainbow” or “to a place where I
won’t get into trouble” and yet when she does, she realizes that ‘her hearts
desire is in her own backyard and that if it isn’t there, she never really had
it to begin with.’
We can all learn something from this story by Frank
Baum. We all have what we need
INSIDE of us. The Universe has supplied us with everything. We lack nothing. Some
of us just need an adventure like Dorothy had in order to remind ourselves that
this is the truth. And many a
time, that is what life gives us, that adventure, that drama and we have to
weave our way down the yellow brick road, encounter a witch or two to find out
that we are right where we are suppose to be. We have everything that we think we lack. Trust in the Universe, in your Higher
Power, in God.
Today, say a prayer and ask the Universe to release you from
your negative thoughts and into the positive, abundance- filled thinking that
will bring you closer to all that is.
This is your authentic self, this is your true path. Ask: “When I become confused,
frustrated or when I start going down that yellow brick road, please bring me
back, show me YOUR way, let me trust You and know that I lack nothing.”
Franconia Sculpture Park, Franconia, MN (CMG original)
I am working on my boundaries. I grew up knowing absolutely nothing about them so as I
moved through adolescence and into adulthood, I had nary a model as how to
separate myself from the people whom I loved and their abusive behaviors.
For many, many years I tried to “fix” those people. I would attach myself to people that I
thought needed fixing. I just knew
in my soul that I could help them if only they would let me. I instinctively knew that I had healing
powers but I didn’t know how to take care of myself and not allow others to
suck that energy right from me, because they will, you know. They don’t mean to but it’s like the
mosquito who cannot help being attracted to the light and then ultimately to
its death.
So, I’m working on this. You may be too.
The greatest “ahHA” moment was when I found the key.
The key to
boundaries is that YOU get to decide what they are and set them and then YOU
get to work on yourself! The pressure of trying to change someone else and the
failed result is gone! It never
works see because you CAN’T change anyone else, you can only change yourself.
By working on yourself, you become infections. The phrase,
“lead by example” comes to mind, or “actions speak louder than words”. People you come into contact with feel
your strong, calm energy. They can
sense that you are not going to be pulled into the drama. When you stop interacting with
drama-filled people, they get bored.
“What, no drama?” they say and after awhile they move on. There is nothing in it for them
anymore. You have maintained your
boundaries. And yes, setting
boundaries means, at times, letting go.
Here are 3 basic steps to setting boundaries:
1. Focus on yourself. Your spouse, your child,
your mom or dad are going to do what they are going to do. You can suggest, criticize, nag and
complain all you want but all you are doing is taking the focus OFF of
yourself. Bring it back to
you. What can you do for yourself?
2. Release your worries and concerns about those people
to the Universe. Know that they have their own path. They have lessons to learn and the
Universe will provide those lessons and care for them. Meditate and/or pray.
3. Get support. If you need help on how to set boundaries,
join a group like Al-Anon, see a therapist, buy a book like, Co-Dependent No
More by Melody Beattie.
It is hard work to un-learn old patterns of behavior but it
is not impossible. Remember, in
every moment you have a choice.
You can choose to say “no”.
You can choose to remain happy.
You can choose to care for yourself. And remember…we are all doing the best we can in every given
moment.
“When you
see people only as personalities, rather than souls with life missions to
fulfill, you forever limit the growth and possibilities of what God has in
store for another person.”
― Shannon Alder
“Sometimes
your light shines so bright that it blinds people from seeing who you really
are.”
― Shannon Alder
“Worry less about what other people think about you, and more about what you think about them.” -Fey Weldon
I have been thinking about judgments. My brain is constantly sorting and
categorizing. That is what it does
best. It assesses a
situation. Judges it for
safety. It has kept me alive. Good, bad, right, wrong…is there a car
coming, is the water too hot? I
have survived because I have made good judgments so there is a time and place
for the brain. What prompted me to
think more deeply about this recently was a Wii game. You know the Wii it is a gaming device, a bit like the Xbox
but the Wii targeted movement. Wii Sports, Wii Fit.
For Christmas this year I got a game for the Wii. “Leela” by Deepak Chopra. It is now September and I just put it
in the Wii last night. You see, I
hardly ever play on the Wii, I don’t find myself in my living room sitting on
the couch all that much and I hadn’t found the time to play this game until
now. Before I opened it, I found
myself placing a judgment on it as well and asking questions, “What is this
game?”, “Meditation on the TV?”
“That is not TRUE meditation.”
Then, I played “Leela” (which is the Sanskrit word that
means “play”) and found it truly wonderful! I sat and silently meditated with it for 7 minutes. I focused on my breathing with some
beautiful background music. I
reviewed the charkas. As I was
doing this, my thirteen year old came in the room and said he wanted to
play. Great! My thirteen year old is going to
meditate, nothing wrong with that.
He wants to try to plant the trees and get them to grow in the sunlight,
cool!
It was then that I had another ahHA moment. We are all not Tibetan monks in a small
village in the mountains. Some of
us live in busy cities, in rural farmhouses, in suburban sprawl. It’s all good! My judgments led me to believe that
meditation or stillness could not occur through a TV, through a Wii but who am
I to judge? Maybe it can. Maybe if a few more people bought
“Leela”, the world would be a more peaceful place.
Yes, we judge.
We are human. But let that not be an excuse to do so. Just for today, where can you let go of
some of those judgments? How are
those judgments limiting you? What
judgments are you placing on yourself?
Can you let go of ONE and set yourself free?
Franconia Sculpture Park, Franconia, MN (CMG original)
We watched the movie “Hugo” the other night. I had watched it on the big screen and
thoroughly enjoyed it so when we were looking for a film to add to our
collection, we decided on “Hugo”.
Since I had viewed it before, I decided to multi-task and enter in some
data on my computer while I watched.
There were moments in the film though that made me stop, pause and
listen. The words that were being
spoken were profound and came from a higher source.
Hugo (an orphan who is abandoned by his only living
relative, a drunk uncle, who’s job it was to keep the clock in the train
station running) is standing on top of the clock he repairs at the train
station. He is looking out over
Paris with the girl he has befriended, his only friend and states:
“I'd imagine the whole world was one big machine. Machines
never come with any extra parts, you know. They always come with the exact
amount they need. So I figured, if the entire world was one big machine, I
couldn't be an extra part. I had to be here for some reason. And that means you
have to be here for some reason, too.”
WOW! That is
it! Our lives have meaning. You have a purpose!
Sometimes, it is difficult to know or see what that purpose
is. You may be in a unfulling job
or a less than perfect relationship.
You feel underappreciated and overworked. Your children may not have turned out like you expected. All lifes little and big rocks
and pits have you wondering...”why am I here?”
I have a mentor in my life and I remember saying to her in
my late twenties, “I don’t know what my purpose is, what am I suppose to do
with my life?” She responded, “You
ARE doing it.” I didn’t get
it. I didn’t get it for years and
still I struggle with where I am right now, wondering if I am in the place I
should be. I have plans, dreams, I
want to move forward! I realize
that these are all ego-based projections.
What I need to work on is being in the present moment. Because, whether you know it or
not, what you are doing right now IS your purpose.
The 6th limb of yoga is dharana- learning to focus the
mind. In yoga, we do this through
meditation and in hatha yoga, through postures and breathing. If we can practice staying in the
present moment, letting go of time, we can then, let go of fear which says “you don’t have a purpose” or
“what IS your purpose”.
As you move down your spiritual path, you might discover
that things just happen. You meet
who you are suppose to meet.
Things line up for you in just the right way. They may come about this way out of hardship or difficulty
but things happen. Things happen
because of your choices in the present moment. Moment to moment we can choose. And in this moment we can choose peace. We can choose to remain patient. We can choose to leave a situation that
is not serving us. We can choose
to stay with our breath through a difficult posture. We can choose to practice dharana and focus on the now
knowing that you have a purpose and that the world is one big machine with no
extra parts!
South shore of Lake Superior- Gunnar's paw prints (CMG original)
I woke up today after sleeping 11 hours! Yep, 11. I felt like I could have slept more. I was TIRED! I have been working 8-12
hours a day. I have been waking up
every 4 hours to give our son with the broken elbow his pain medication. I have
also been on the verge of the first school-year cold. So, sleeping was exactly what I needed.
The other thing I could tell was that my body needed some
outdoor time. When I woke up, I
thought about how much I would love to go camping at a local state park and spend
the weekend out in nature. At the
end of the week, I spoke to a friend who wanted to get together. She suggested brunch and I suggested a
walk with our dogs. I am inside a
building in a room without windows for 6+ hours during the week. I love this time of year and I want to
be outdoors! Cool nights, warm
days, leaves starting to change colors- there is nothing like it- fall in the
northland. So, it didn’t
surprise me when the oracle card I picked this morning said, “spend more time
outdoors”.
Spending time in nature can help to get to the root of your
being. It can help relieve stress
and relax your mind. The other
thing that getting out in nature can do is tire you out! A brisk walk among some trees, near a
lake, breathing in fresh air, gets your heart pumping, your lungs expanding and
your muscles receive more oxygen.
I witnessed first hand what happens when you do far too much couch
surfing.
Friday, we took students to the Minnesota Zoo. It is a fairly large zoo where the
animals are in as natural of an environment as they can be. These students range in age from
14-18. They are inner city youth
who live mostly in poverty. We walked,
mostly outside for 3 hours- taking breaks along the way. After about an hour, they were
done. Pleas to sit, to go inside,
to GO BACK TO SCHOOL, were like a cacophony of crickets on a summer night. We urged them on. When we finally did get back to school,
many students literally collapsed on the floor. This was good.
My thought was, we should do this more often. Their brains were stimulated, their bodies were stimulated
and my guess is they had a great nights sleep.
Especially those of us that live in urban areas have to make
it a priority to find nature, to get to a river, a lake or a pond. To find the local park with trees and breathe
in the oxygen they provide for us.
Being in nature will help you to vibrate at a higher energy level and
give you more clarity to the circumstances in your life. If you live in a rural area, make sure
you focus on the nature around you and not the tasks at hand for a bit of time
every day. Even if we live in
nature on a regular basis, we may not actually BE present. Slowly breathe in and out as you walk,
ride your horse, run. Notice the
leaves, the sand, the water, how they move, lay still, grow effortlessly. If you notice that you start to plan
your day or make your lists, recognize it and then bring your attention back to
your breathing. Your breath and
your body are all that you need focus on.
Make a commitment to yourself today to get outside! Put it on your calendar. Schedule time to commune with nature
and nurture your inside by getting outside.
There have been many times in my life when I had to choose- food or gas, eating out or eating in, carefully balancing my checkbook before I made any purchases or paid any bills. There have also been times when I have felt I was alone, I didn’t have any friends, I didn’t have a partner, I didn’t have the type of parents I wanted, body I wanted, clothes I wanted, shoes, hair, feet- you name it, at one time or another I have thought pretty negatively about mySELF and my LIFE.
Now, I have come to name this thinking and start to recognize when I am in it. This is a phrase I heard someone else use and I just love it, it is called, “scarcity thinking”.
Scarcity thinking are those tapes in my head that tell me that I don’t have enough. Not enough money, time, patiences, friends, love, good looks. Scarcity thinking can come fairly easy and since I have practiced it most of my life and I saw my parents practice it, I can do it pretty gall-darn well! My parents practiced it because they saw their parents practice it.
My dad tells a good story. When he was probably less than thirteen years old but older than six, he was out playing with a group of friends. They would run in the street, on top of the buildings in the neighborhood and down by the river. This made these growing boys very hungry. So, being the kind soul my dad is, he invited the boys back to his house for some food. My dad knew that there was little food in their house but that didn’t stop him from standing on top of the counter to seize the bulk of dried raisins and a few other stores that his mother received monthly from the welfare department and start to hand these out to the kids. It was just at this moment, and I can imagine the picture in my mind, that his mother walks into the house after a long day scrubbing people’s floors. She sees my father, standing on top of the corner, smiling ear to ear as he doles out the food that she had been counting on to help feed their family, (as a the sole provider for three growing children in the 1930’s, her job was not an easy one). She screamed at him to get “down off that counter” and then at each boy to “put back that food”! The smile on my father’s face quickly faded and turned inward to shame and guilt. He has carried this with him all of his life. He has told me this story dozens of times.
I know that the truth of my father’s circumstances was that they were poor. It was the time during the Great Depression. He knew scarcity thinking and he gave it to me. Purposely? No, but it might take generations to change this deep seeded belief. I plan to have it start here with me.
One way I’ve started to change my scarcity thinking is to start with how I think about money. I read “How to Turn your Money Life Around” by Ruth Hayden this summer. The foundation of Ruth’s book if that before you can be successful with money, you need to change your money beliefs. She has you write what you currently believe to be true about money and then change those beliefs (if needed, and they usually are needed since you picked up the book in the first place) into positive affirmations. Then, you write these affirmations five times each twice a day. You post them around your house, in your car, at your office so you can SEE them and think them 24-7 until they become your normal way of thinking.
I have been doing this since the 2nd week in July. It has been working. My money beliefs are slowly changing from scarcity thinking to abundance belief.
The final key to change your scarcity thinking is surrender. Surrender these scarcity beliefs to the Universe- let them go. Flip the switch to truly believing and trusting that YOU WILL BE OK- that you are cared for and loved and that you will be provided for. Trust that the Universe, in all it’s greatness and with all it’s power, will and CAN provide you with abundance. Know it in your heart. Go for a walk in nature and look at the grass, the trees, the water, the variety of birds and animals. How did that happen? The sun rises and warms us each day. The moon looks over us at night and pulls the tides in and out. AMAZING! Do those things worry that they aren’t good enough, that they lack beauty? Does the rose think, “I am not as gorgeous as the lily”?
Sit, meditate, say “I am filled with abundance, I have all I need”. Now add your own positive affirmation. Write it down, post it up and make it part of your daily routine to move your life out of scarcity and into abundance.
“As
long as we think ego, we feel attached and fall into sorrow. But realize
you are the Self, the Lord of Life and you will be freed from sorrow.”
Mundka Upanishad
I had a
dream the other night that I had an infant, someone gave this baby to me.
I knew that I had to care for him, that he was now mine. I
was at this big gathering carrying him around, a warm, collapsable bundle, so
new that it was difficult to hold him to my chest because he had no neck
control. I was feeling a bit awkward for it had been quite
some time that I had responsibility for someone this new. I went about
chatting and mingling and then, poof, I’d look down and notice the baby was
gone from my arms. I was so into talking to the people in the room I had
forgotten that I had a baby that was my sole responsibility to care for.
In a panic, I went searching the room, looking for my baby. I
thought to myself, “Oh my God, how could you forget, you idiot, you have a baby
you need to care for!” Then, in the distance, I heard crying coming from
a closet. I opened it up and there was the baby, on a shelf. I
reached in and put him in my arms once again- fully relieved and repeatedly
berating myself for my forgetfulness and obvious lack of skills.
How can I
interpret this? Many ways, I suppose, but what sticks out most in
my mind was the feeling of being incapable or daft when being charged with
caring for this infant. How does this currently relate to my life?
Most recently, in relation to both of my sons, one with the brittle bone
disease and the other who is experiencing a lack of self-esteem and direction
in his life, I have scolded myself. I have said, “What did I do wrong?” “What
could I have done differently?” The answer is ...NOTHING, I did the best
I could.
Forgiveness,
in my opinion, especially of oneself is not easy. We have our ego to
protect. That thing, that voice that would rather die than say, “It’s ok,
you can let it go.” Deepak Chopra says, “Ego is just another word
for edging God out.” When we listen to our ego, we are not connecting
with our true self, our spirit self- in yoga we call this, Atman, “spark of the divine”.
The ego
loves to separate and divide, put things into categories, define and judge.
The ego is not bad, it is what it is- that voice that berates us, makes
us feel guilty and won’t let us forgive. The true source is our only way
to forgiveness. Guilt and shame stop us on our path towards self- love.
They are the true evolution stoppers. Forgive yourself. You
did the best you knew how to do at the time. Forgive someone else.
They did the best they could at the time given their resources. No
one’s goal in life from infancy is to be an alcoholic, an abusive husband, a
neglectful mother. We do and try our best but sometimes our models aren’t
there. We may not have had a model for a loving, caring father so how
would we know how to be one? Forgive and you will be released towards the
happiness that you seek.
DoreenVirtue, in her oracle card guide book has a prayer that I think is a wonderful
one to help assist you in forgiveness.
“I ask that you help me
let go of self-blame and forgive myself. Please guide me in releasing any
toxic anger or fear toward others. Thank you, (God or any angels) for
allowing me to feel centered and at peace.”
What will
you do today to start on the path of forgiveness?
I’ve had a lot on my plate lately. The school year just started and I am a teacher trying to
prepare for the new school year.
My thirteen year old breaks his elbow (break # 19+ related to his
brittle bone disease) and has surgery this past Friday. My nineteen year old is trying to
figure life out, complete credits to graduate from high school and has chosen
the rocky road to travel, at times, bringing me along. My husband and I love each other but at
times can’t figure out how to get along and don’t LIKE each other. All the while, I am dealing with a foot
injury that has put me on crutches and has allowed little room for exercise in
my life (breathe).
So, I wonder how can I keep it all together? How can I do it all? If I start to go down this road of what
I call circular, crazy thinking, I won’t be able to. It is not possible.
The “trying to do it all” attitude leads me nowhere positive. For much of my life this is the path
that I travelled and it was a difficult, debilitating, self-flagellating
existence. I am done with that or
least I now recognize when I start and am able to stop. And herein lies the key.
You don’t have to do it all! Prioritize. You
don’t have to multitask despite what American culture tells us in every way,
shape and form. There are
certain things in your day that must get done, write them down and then
realistically number them in order of importance. Clearly estimate the time each task will take and then scale
down. We usually overestimate the
amount of things we can get done in a day or at least that is MY
experience.
Think about yourself first. What do you need to do to take care of yourself? I heard someone use the analogy
of being in an airplane crash.
When you are going down and the oxygen masks drop, you are instructed to
put YOUR mask on first and then assist others who might need help. You cannot take care of anyone else
unless you first care for yourself!!
So, put yourself at the top of the list. What do you need today? A run, a swim, a good meal, time to kick your feet up, or a
walk in nature?
Next, when people come at you with their own agendas (which
they will), remember to put yourself at the top of the list. You can say things like:
“I need some time to think about it.” “I don’t know.” “I will get back to you
when I am able.” “I will have to
re-schedule.” “I can’t commit to
that right now.” These are great phrases to write down, to remember and to
practice.
Lastly, and I believe, most importantly, trust in the
Universe. Or, in yoga, I would say
practice Ishvara Pranidhana (literally translated: “Surrender to the
Lord”). Trust that the Universe,
God, Great Spirit or whatever you’d like to call it has your back and is there
for you to release your burdens to.
Sometimes, your load is too heavy.
Ask the Universe to carry some for you, ask for help and trust that the
solution will reveal itself.
Darren Main puts it perfectly in his book Yoga and the Path of the UrbanMystic, “Ishvara pranidahana is the practice of noticing when we are trying to
micromanage our own lives, and then returning the control to Spirit.”
Mississippi River near Shakopee, MN (CMG original)
Just for today, simplify your life, breathe and know you are
taken care of.
Last night, I
needed sleep more than I needed anything else. I went to the
acupuncturist for my foot (swelling is finally going down) in the early evening
and after my treatment, I was WIPED! I knew I had to do two things, eat
and sleep.
It felt so good to sleep, so
good that I couldn’t manage to get out of my bed when my alarm went off at 4:00
AM to write. Now, I could berate myself and feel bad that I am not taking
my usual time for writing my blog OR I can take the moment I have and be
thankful for the extra sleep I obviously needed.
So, what can I do with my
moment? I can open my daily meditation book, read the day, sit quietly
and ask the Universe to guide me through my day. Know that we have
free will and the Universe will not intercede on our behalf unless we ask it
to. There are guides and angels just sitting around (if you can imagine
that) waiting to be asked to assist you with whatever situation you might be
confused about or need help with. ASK them! Meditate, pray, ask for
guidance. This is something that can be done anywhere at any time.
Quiet your mind, focus on your breathing and feel a wave of peace wash
over you.
The time is now and each
moment is yours to do with it what you wish. What will you do with your
moments today?
In October of last year, my then 35 year old sister, had a
massive stroke. My mom found her
in her apartment on the floor and unresponsive. We were told that there was a dissection in her carotid
artery that was the cause of her stroke.
They removed part of her skull and put it on ice to reattach at a later
date to allow the brain to swell so that she would live. The right side of her body was affected
as well as her speech. What has
followed has been months of relearning everything that she never thought twice
about before her stroke. Walking,
talking, toileting, dressing herself, recognizing colors and shapes and giving
them names! All things we take for
granted as half-way intelligent adults in this world.
For one reason or another, many of us are so intent on
planning and preparing for the future (what am I going to do this weekend?,
what does my work schedule look like tomorrow?) that we forget to recognize the
present moment. I remember
thinking that I couldn’t wait to see my first born child as an adult and now he
is- a big, 6 foot, 170 lb. nineteen year old- and I wish I would have taken
more time to savor those today moments.
Taking the time to really look into your child’s eyes or the eyes of
your significant other or friend and hear them without thinking about what you
will say next is an amazing thing!
Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D, a Harvard trained brain
scientist, wrote a book in 2006
called “My Stroke of Insight”. She
writes her own story, from the morning of her massive stroke and her road to
full recovery. She also explains
how we can choose to use the right side of our brain to become more empathetic
people and remove ourselves from the chatter of our left brain. She writes, “It is liberating to know
that I have the ability to choose a peaceful and loving mind (my right mind),
whatever my physical or mental circumstances by deciding to step to the right
and bring my thoughts back to the present moment.”
This moment is the only place we need to be. This moment is the only real thing that
exists (and that is debateable as well).
If you want to change your life, you can only do that by changing what
you do today. What one thing can
you change?
John C. Maxwell’s book, “Today Matters”, outlines practices
that you can do TODAY to change your tomorrow. Maxwell starts his book with choices that you can make
today:
Just for today... I will choose and display the right
attitudes.
Just for today...I will determine and act on important
priorities.
Just for today...I will know and follow healthy guidelines.
Just for today...I will communicate with and care for my
family.
He lists ten more “just for today” ideas. Pick just one of the above today and
live it! Today, I will choose and
display the right attitudes. What
will you choose?
As I thought, the ways in which the Universe pushes me...for my own good...doesn’t end when I think it will.
Sometimes you are so caught up in the moment, in the push-back and the frustration that even though you think you are doing your possible best, there is something else you can do.
I thought I was doing my possible best to stay centered yesterday, to keep the focus on myself and allow others to be themselves.
The dark cloud that hung over my head because of my self-pity attitude over my injured foot and my son’s broken elbow had lifted because I sought help from friends and family and the Universe and asked for what I needed.
I had ideas about my day, what I would get done and how it would go (ah- hem..problem #1) and I was doing it all with a smile; meal planning, grocery shopping, inviting friend’s of my son’s over, playing the good mom, being responsible by going over my budget and paying bills with my willing husband, it was going to be smooth sailing because I had a plan (ah-hem...problem #2)!
Well, had I read from my daily meditation book in the morning (problem #3), I would have been able to stop my actions because I haven’t reached enlightenment yet. I am still very human and I FORGET! I forget about the other things I can do instead of feeling hurt and acting negatively. There are other things that I can do when my set expectations aren’t met and I start to get angry. There are other things that I can do when the people around me aren’t happy instead of being unhappy with them.
What? You ask. You can decide to be happy now!
How can you do this, you might ask, when your husband is upset with the lack of money we have, your nineteen year old is pushing your buttons and your day is NOT going like you planned? You CAN make a gratitude list. What CAN you be thankful for right now?
Find a quiet place and start listing things. I did and I was surprised how good it made me feel. It is ok that I didn’t do this until just before I went to sleep when things were already said out of anger. Ideally, I would have stopped and recognized where I was headed, but I didn’t and I need to forgive myself.
Can’t think of anything? Let me share with you some of the things I said I am grateful for. I listed 25 but here are just a few:
I am thankful for:
1. hot chai in the morning
2. my red bedroom that I painted myself
3. how much my 13 year old loves me
4. my girlfriends
5. that I have known love
6. the clean water I have to drink
7. that I can walk to my job
8. the food in my refrigerator
9. this notebook and pen
10. my bed
So, start now. What are you thankful for? What are your strengths? List them. Empower yourself by feeling the love for the little things. Take charge of your life by not allowing others to be in your drivers seat. Find peace within yourself by being thankful for just a few things each day.
Sometimes no matter how much you want to maintain your peaceful bubble, the Universe finds a way to test your faith. This is my story on how I found my faith... again.
I have been experiencing much strife lately. My day job is overwhelming. So much so that I don’t know how I can do my job and take care of my responsibilities at my home. I am have been working on creating more space for the things I enjoy and a new path in life; yoga, study, meditation, women’s groups, exercise, connecting with my children, and healing. I have been working on me and THEN...I wake up on Wednesday morning with a dull ache in my left big toe. Another part of the “working on me” included getting a gait analysis in July because of persistent plantar fasciitis in both of my feet for the past year which had put a stop to my running and at times made just walking painful. I was prescribed new K-Swiss running shoes and Pro-Kinetics insoles that would help me to use my big toe. I also was told to wear a Strassberg sock during the night that would flex my foot while I slept. I didn’t wear the sock every night for I found it very difficult to sleep in but I wore it Tuesday night and then the pain started.
By the time I ended my Wednesday, after a full day of work, time with my family and cookies baked, my toe was throbbing/burning. I went to bed but could not sleep. I swear it was broken! I had my husband take me to the ER at two in the morning. Not broken, just a muscle/tendon pulled? Really, they didn’t know what was wrong. I couldn’t walk on it so they gave me crutches and a script for 600 mg of Ibuprofen.
I get through Thursday and Friday (barely). Now, I need to mention that as each day of the week progressed I did less and less of my “routine”. Morning meditation, three pages of writing, my affirmations, prayer, spiritual readings and some form of exercise all went slowly out the window. By Friday, they were non-existent and I was exhausted. I sat in the rocking chair in the front room with my foot up and ice on it when I asked my thirteen year old to get the Ibuprofen from the kitchen. In that instant, my faith was to be tested again. My thirteen year old has a disease called Osteogenesis Imperfecta Type I (brittle bone disease). He has broken about 15 bones to date. When he ran into the kitchen to get me the pain reliever, he slipped and fell and broke his left elbow. It was a bad one. He wouldn’t move and refused to remove his right hand from holding his left elbow. Another ER visit.
This is where a little of my faith started to return. I have a friend who is a pediatric ER doctor and just happen to be working that night. She worked with my son so well that evening, made him feel comfortable, answered all his questions and even took care of mom and dad. We were truly blessed. The ordeal hadn’t ended, he would need surgery for he had broken his olecranon bone the tip of his elbow was detached from the ulna. It’s Labor Day weekend, we were suppose to go up north for my aunt’s surprise 75th birthday party but we had to cancel those plans due to my work, my foot and now a broken elbow. I try and stay off my foot for the next 24 hours while I help my son manage his pain and his sorrow. He was so excited to go to school this year and show the kids how much he has grown and the new clothes he had gotten and now he has to go back with a broken bone, just what he doesn’t want. He doesn’t want to appear weak to the other boys and that is what he thinks they think of him as they have seen his many breaks. He is thirteen and appearances are important, I get it. I listen and reflect his feelings, I try not to solve but I feel so helpless and this is where the pity starts!
I feel helpless because I can’t solve his problem, I can’t walk without crutches, I can’t take care of my home, I can’t easily get myself something to eat. I have to ask people for help and at times they are not that eager to help me. I am tired of not being able to do the things I want...run, do yoga, workout, clean my house, go for a brisk walk in nature. I cry and feel helpless. Why ME??? Why do I feel as if I am alone and that the Universe has it in for me?
I sleep on it. When I wake I decide to get back to my morning routine; write my three pages, soak my feet and drink my chai- what can it hurt? Then I lite my candle and meditate , pull some angel cards and prayed. And, as I start to do this I recognize what I need...to reach out for support. So, I text two friends and tell them I need moral support and immediately they are at my aid. One comes with healing words and medicine in the morning and the other one comes in the evening with healing hands, empathetic ears and a vehicle to whisk me away for awhile. I also get a friend to come over and hang out with my thirteen year old and he is happy again. My husband is working in the yard and taking care of needed chores. My nineteen year old waters the garden, runs some errands and encourages me to rest my foot. It is all coming together!
Yes, I lost it for a few days but I realized that strife is for a reason. I asked for clarity, to know God’s will and that is only going to happen if I look at my shadow side, the side that is NOT pretty, in fact, it can be quite ugly. Pity, hopelessness, blame, self-doubt. And how do you get to see these things? You get to see these things only through strife. How do I react when things really suck? How long will it take me to come back to center? Darren Main, in his book “Yoga and the Path of the Urban Mystic” writes it best, “...when we make the conscious or unconscious commitment to become more peaceful, the universe rearranges itself to show us the things that our blocking our peace.” I end my meditation sessions daily with, “Let the light and love of God shine within my heart, let the love and light of God shine within my words and let the love and light of God shine within my thoughts and actions. OH- that is easy to do when it is smooth sailing but when we hit rough waters...how easy is it then?
This has been a great lesson that I am sure will be repeated for I need practice. Where do you go when things don’t happen the way you want them to? What can you do to deepen your faith or spiritual practice? Are you ready for the ride?
