Simplify your life!

I’ve had a lot on my plate lately.  The school year just started and I am a teacher trying to prepare for the new school year.  My thirteen year old breaks his elbow (break # 19+ related to his brittle bone disease) and has surgery this past Friday.  My nineteen year old is trying to figure life out, complete credits to graduate from high school and has chosen the rocky road to travel, at times, bringing me along.  My husband and I love each other but at times can’t figure out how to get along and don’t LIKE each other.  All the while, I am dealing with a foot injury that has put me on crutches and has allowed little room for exercise in my life (breathe).

So, I wonder how can I keep it all together?  How can I do it all?  If I start to go down this road of what I call circular, crazy thinking, I won’t be able to.  It is not possible.  The “trying to do it all” attitude leads me nowhere positive.  For much of my life this is the path that I travelled and it was a difficult, debilitating, self-flagellating existence.  I am done with that or least I now recognize when I start and am able to stop.  And herein lies the key.

You don’t have to do it all!  Prioritize.  You don’t have to multitask despite what American culture tells us in every way, shape and form.   There are certain things in your day that must get done, write them down and then realistically number them in order of importance.  Clearly estimate the time each task will take and then scale down.  We usually overestimate the amount of things we can get done in a day or at least that is MY experience. 

Think about yourself first.  What do you need to do to take care of yourself?   I heard someone use the analogy of being in an airplane crash.  When you are going down and the oxygen masks drop, you are instructed to put YOUR mask on first and then assist others who might need help.  You cannot take care of anyone else unless you first care for yourself!!  So, put yourself at the top of the list.  What do you need today?  A run, a swim, a good meal, time to kick your feet up, or a walk in nature? 

Next, when people come at you with their own agendas (which they will), remember to put yourself at the top of the list.  You can say things like:

“I need some time to think about it.”  “I don’t know.” “I will get back to you when I am able.”  “I will have to re-schedule.”  “I can’t commit to that right now.” These are great phrases to write down, to remember and to practice. 

Lastly, and I believe, most importantly, trust in the Universe.  Or, in yoga, I would say practice Ishvara Pranidhana (literally translated: “Surrender to the Lord”).  Trust that the Universe, God, Great Spirit or whatever you’d like to call it has your back and is there for you to release your burdens to.  Sometimes, your load is too heavy.  Ask the Universe to carry some for you, ask for help and trust that the solution will reveal itself.  Darren Main puts it perfectly in his book Yoga and the Path of the UrbanMystic, “Ishvara pranidahana is the practice of noticing when we are trying to micromanage our own lives, and then returning the control to Spirit.”

Mississippi River near Shakopee, MN (CMG original)

Just for today, simplify your life, breathe and know you are taken care of.

Namaste,

Carrie

Live for Today!

Willow River State Park, WI (CMG Original)

Breathing in, I know I’m breathing in.

Breathing out, I know

As the in-breath grows deep,

The out-breath grows slow.

Breathing in makes me calm.

Breathing out makes me ease.

With the in-breath, I smile.

With the out-breath, I release.

Breathing in, there is only the present moment.

Breathing out, it is a wonderful moment.

-Thich Nhat Hanh

In October of last year, my then 35 year old sister, had a massive stroke.  My mom found her in her apartment on the floor and unresponsive.  We were told that there was a dissection in her carotid artery that was the cause of her stroke.  They removed part of her skull and put it on ice to reattach at a later date to allow the brain to swell so that she would live.  The right side of her body was affected as well as her speech.  What has followed has been months of relearning everything that she never thought twice about before her stroke.  Walking, talking, toileting, dressing herself, recognizing colors and shapes and giving them names!  All things we take for granted as half-way intelligent adults in this world.

For one reason or another, many of us are so intent on planning and preparing for the future (what am I going to do this weekend?, what does my work schedule look like tomorrow?) that we forget to recognize the present moment.  I remember thinking that I couldn’t wait to see my first born child as an adult and now he is- a big, 6 foot, 170 lb. nineteen year old- and I wish I would have taken more time to savor those today moments.  Taking the time to really look into your child’s eyes or the eyes of your significant other or friend and hear them without thinking about what you will say next is an amazing thing!

Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D, a Harvard trained brain scientist,  wrote a book in 2006 called “My Stroke of Insight”.  She writes her own story, from the morning of her massive stroke and her road to full recovery.  She also explains how we can choose to use the right side of our brain to become more empathetic people and remove ourselves from the chatter of our left brain.  She writes, “It is liberating to know that I have the ability to choose a peaceful and loving mind (my right mind), whatever my physical or mental circumstances by deciding to step to the right and bring my thoughts back to the present moment.”

This moment is the only place we need to be.  This moment is the only real thing that exists (and that is debateable as well).  If you want to change your life, you can only do that by changing what you do today.  What one thing can you change? 

John C. Maxwell’s book, “Today Matters”, outlines practices that you can do TODAY to change your tomorrow.  Maxwell starts his book with choices that you can make today: 

Just for today... I will choose and display the right attitudes.

Just for today...I will determine and act on important priorities.

Just for today...I will know and follow healthy guidelines.

Just for today...I will communicate with and care for my family.

He lists ten more “just for today” ideas.  Pick just one of the above today and live it!  Today, I will choose and display the right attitudes.  What will you choose?

Decide to be happy now

As I thought, the ways in which the Universe pushes me...for my own good...doesn’t end when I think it will. Sometimes you are so caught up in the moment, in the push-back and the frustration that even though you think you are doing your possible best, there is something else you can do. I thought I was doing my possible best to stay centered yesterday, to keep the focus on myself and allow others to be themselves.

 The dark cloud that hung over my head because of my self-pity attitude over my injured foot and my son’s broken elbow had lifted because I sought help from friends and family and the Universe and asked for what I needed. I had ideas about my day, what I would get done and how it would go (ah- hem..problem #1) and I was doing it all with a smile; meal planning, grocery shopping, inviting friend’s of my son’s over, playing the good mom, being responsible by going over my budget and paying bills with my willing husband, it was going to be smooth sailing because I had a plan (ah-hem...problem #2)!

Well, had I read from my daily meditation book in the morning (problem #3), I would have been able to stop my actions because I haven’t reached enlightenment yet. I am still very human and I FORGET! I forget about the other things I can do instead of feeling hurt and acting negatively. There are other things that I can do when my set expectations aren’t met and I start to get angry. There are other things that I can do when the people around me aren’t happy instead of being unhappy with them.

What? You ask. You can decide to be happy now! How can you do this, you might ask, when your husband is upset with the lack of money we have, your nineteen year old is pushing your buttons and your day is NOT going like you planned? You CAN make a gratitude list. What CAN you be thankful for right now?

 Find a quiet place and start listing things. I did and I was surprised how good it made me feel. It is ok that I didn’t do this until just before I went to sleep when things were already said out of anger. Ideally, I would have stopped and recognized where I was headed, but I didn’t and I need to forgive myself.

Can’t think of anything? Let me share with you some of the things I said I am grateful for. I listed 25 but here are just a few:
I am thankful for:
1. hot chai in the morning
2. my red bedroom that I painted myself
3. how much my 13 year old loves me
4. my girlfriends
5. that I have known love
6. the clean water I have to drink
7. that I can walk to my job
8. the food in my refrigerator
 9. this notebook and pen
10. my bed

 So, start now. What are you thankful for? What are your strengths? List them. Empower yourself by feeling the love for the little things. Take charge of your life by not allowing others to be in your drivers seat. Find peace within yourself by being thankful for just a few things each day.

Are you a “Yes-man” (or woman)?

All my life I have been very good at saying, “yes!”  As a child, there was no higher praise than the praise I received for helping out or for doing a good turn for someone else. I learned that caring for others was the best way to feel good about myself.

Fast-forward twenty-plus years…I have two teenage children, a husband and a dog. Do you think that I have cared for them?  Of COURSE I have!  I have given them my all and at times more than my all.

I have also worked most of my life.  Since the age of twelve I have had one type of job or another.  I am a GREAT worker!  Employers love to hire me- I give them my all!

Cub Scout leader, Title I board, coach, neighborhood block club organizer, you name it, I have probably joined it.  I help people, I problem solve and get them from point A to point B.  But what happens when you 1. Continue to say “yes” to other people and you want to say no, 2. Don’t let people do things for themselves that they could do for themselves and 3. Don’t make time for yourself?

One word: RESENTMENT

Resentment can lead to all sorts of, what I call, “sick” thinking.  You start to blame others for your problems, you are angry for seemingly no reason, you try to fix every other person’s problems but your own.  You are NOT happy. 

So, how do you move from the place of resentment to love?  That is what it is, it is SELF-love.  You start caring for yourself most!  At this moment, you might say, “I can’t.  I have young children, I have a crazy job, I have to support my family, or I LIKE putting others first.”  Well, these are all lies, lies we tell ourselves, lies our ego tells us.  These thoughts are NOT our true soul-self, the self that is love-based because the only way we can ultimately, truly care for others and have others care for US is through self-love and once that happens, all the rest is possible.

Deepak Chopra is one good resource for more exploration into healing, balance and transforming your life.

What kind of self-care activity can you do for yourself today?

On Meditation

Pond Flowers on Jensen Lake, Apple Valley, MN

I have been meditating on and off for twenty years.  I know that it is what helps give me balance, peace and clarity.  I know that it brings me closer to my Higher Power.  

When I was 27 years old, I was a single parent, living at my mom's with a one-year old son.  I was quite lost and had only begun to have some clarity after giving birth and caring for this new human being.  It was as if God came down and said to me, "Now, you will learn what love is all about."  

Things began to come to me.  Books, people, prayer and meditation.  It just started happening.  An older friend, mentor  gave me a book called, "Ask Your Angels".  I started praying to the angels daily.  I met a old Chinese man named Clem Chang who taught me QiGong and began to do the microcosmic orbit meditation.  I picked up Marianne Williamson's, "A Return to Love" and Gary Zukav's book, "The Seat of the Soul"- I read and the words spoke to me.  

I continued to meditate and then one day a voice said, "It's about learning to love yourself.  You need to love yourself first before anyone can ever love you or you can ever give TRUE love."  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  It was true, I NEVER loved myself.  The concept was foreign to me. What did that mean?  All my life I had been looking for someone to love me, looking for approval, my father's, my mother's...I was never good enough.  The voice spoke loud and strong over and over during this time in my life.  "You are perfect the way you are.  You are worthy of self-love."  

I remember in college, I used to have these dreams of being unconditionally loved...complete, fulfilling, true love.  They were the BEST dreams.  The kind that you never want to wake from.  It came in the form of David Letterman (it could be that because I would stay up to watch The Letterman Show that he was the last thing in my head).  He was the person who loved me.  Loved me for who I was, loved for who I had been and loved me...completely.  It was like he showed me what it felt like to be filled with self-love because through his loving me, I  loved me!  I always say it was "David Letterman as God."

I'm 45 now and still trying to meditate.  Through yoga, it has been reaffirmed that it is something that I need to practice.  Most days I meditate in the morning, getting in 5-20 minutes of sitting or chanting or reading and then reflecting.  I like variety.  I find that evenings are more difficult  to fit it in.  My two boys are now 13 and 19 and then stay up late.  There is no more quiet time for mom in the evenings.  It is also the time that my husband and I connect and although I could say, "Hey honey, sorry, not now, I need to meditate," and he would understand, I am not there yet.  I am usually too tired and I am lucky if I say a quick prayer while I am laying under the covers quickly drifting into sleep.  

My goal is to meditate a half an hour in the morning and a half and hour in the evening.  If I can't reach that all the time the other thing that I am practicing in just being in the present.  In yoga, this is the practice of dharana, learning to focus the mind and bring it into the present on a regular basis.  The only time that exists is now and in this moment I can choose my path.  I choose self-love as I know that is the only way.  I need constant reminders, I am only human.   In this moment, I do the best I can.

The Life of Brahmacharya

This is my dog Gunnar. He is all Black Laborador Retriever. He lives to retrieve. He knows nothing about the study of Yoga or at least he has not told me so, maybe he does and this is the question I am going to explore.

I am currently in Yoga teacher training. It is an eight week program and I am on week 4. I have decided to study the 8 Limbed Path of Yoga by practicing a Yama and then a Niyama each week. This week it is the practice of Brahmacharya or non-excess.

Traditionally this was about celibacy in young monks, preserving your semen and protecting that life force for deeper meditation and focus. Non-excess may be a more contemporary interpretation and is possibly more attainable for yoga students in 2012. Non-excess is also something I can contemplate with regards to Gunnar. Is he the picture of moderation or is he excessive personified?

I could argue that he doesn't want for much. He wants to be fed daily with dog food and water. Does he want other kinds of food other than the food he is given? Well, the longing glances and impenetrable stares while I am eating my breakfast, lunch and dinner could imply that he would eat my food...ALL OF IT...if I let him. And yes, he has "stolen" sticks of butter, pieces of bread and other left-overs that were placed within his tongues reach. So, I guess we could come to the conclusion that if left to his own will-power, he would have little control of his eating impulses.

What makes Gunnar different from humans is the power of the voice. We have a voice to complain if we don't have enough, don't like what we have or want MORE! Food is an area I could definately work on brahmacharya. I tend to buy more food then we need and as a result, throw away food that goes bad.  At times have I have eaten more or ordered more food than I could or should have. I have indulged and over-consumed and my brain is bigger than Gunnar's. I have no excuse.

Gunnar doesn't excessively buy clothes, furniture, long for the newest car or latest electronic gadget.  His life is simple, feed me, walk me...better yet, take me to the dog park, and most of all...PET ME!  He can never be pet enough.  When I scratch under his chin, he lifts his head high and back- a huge heart opener  for him, a bit like camel pose- ustrasana, he does this naturally.

Gunnar has not asked for a new bed...yet...he is content to sleep on the floor but tends to prefer soft pillows.  He restrains himself at times when told to stay (when he obviously would rather be under the table waiting for dropped food).  When taken to the dog park and the ball has been thrown enough, he takes a break and lies in the long grasses in the distance to tell me that he is moderating his movement.  Gunnar is the MOST gentle being that I know.  He allows children of all shapes and sizes to manipulate his body.  They snuggle next to him, they dance with him, they wrestle with him- they use him in a variety of ways for their pleasure and he doesn't complain.  Gunnar barks on occasion, but doesn't carry on or use his voice in excess.

Wallace Slater, in his book "Raja Yoga" states that brahmacharaya is self-control in all things.  "Be temperate in eating, in sexual relaions, in movement, in emotional expression, in thought.  Avoid excesses of all kinds. Be gentle in action and speech.  Such behaviour will prepare the aspirant for subsequent practice in advanced mediation, and he will, at the same time, be an influence for peace in his surroundings (Slater, pg. 26)."  So Gunnar, because he is a dog, does not have a big enough brain to think about moderation.  He does what feels good and if that means he can get someone to pet him ALL DAY LONG, that is what he would do.  He is not intentionally practicing moderation so that he can prepare himself for advanced meditation, again, because he is a dog.  Yet, the above would have me contemplate how I could be more like Gunnar and be content with what I have and practice a little more moderation in some areas of my life like being patient and more quiet and content with what I have.

I do wonder, what does he do all day long when we are at work? Maybe he IS meditating?